Living a Life of Distinction

I ran across this thing online today. The guy friend I mentioned before, the one who told me he loved me, had written something online concerning what had happened between us. He never mentioned my name, but I knew it was about me. He was writing on this forum topic about dealing with shitty friends, or something like that. And he wrote that he was used to one-sided friendships, and gave examples. One of the examples was me.

He said he had a friend for about two years, that he used to talk to every week, and how when he finally told her his true feelings for her, she just turned out to be like everyone else and blew him off, and that she never really cared about him.

When I first read this, I was so offended. How dare he? I was the one being used in this situation, I was on the shitty end of the one-sided friendship. How could he say I never cared about him? How is it that just because I did not want to be his girlfriend, that meant I was never really his friend? How dare he write me off like that?

But then perspective dawns on me... who the hell cares what he thinks? He obviously has proven he is a nobody in my life. He was never really in it, because I never knew who he really was. And so why should I beat myself up over what he thinks? Why waste time and energy on someone so meaningless?

I was talking to Jax last night, about people in our lives that hate us. Truly hate us. As in going so far as to intentionally make our lives miserable because their dislike and jealousy of us is so powerful. And how this is so funny. Pathetic and funny.

There is this quote i heard a long time ago, but I don't know who it originated from:

To be loved is to be fortunate, but to be hated is to achieve distinction.

When I don't like someone, when I have been terribly hurt by someone, my reaction is always the same. I get rid of them. I excise them from my life. I want absolutely nothing to do with them. It's what I did with Em, with CPS, with others. Why keep them around, why focus attention on them when all it does is bring you pain? So I walk away, and in doing so, it helps my feelings for them slowly disappear, and i am left with apathy.

It's so funny to me that these people who do not like me and want me to think I am unworthy prove to me my worth day after day by their constant effort and attention. If I am so unimportant then why do they bother with me? Because obviously, I am important. Important enough to keep thinking of, and keep dwelling on, and take time out of life to hurt.

And so I guess I wanted to say thanks. Because sometimes I forget what I'm worth. Sometimes I forget that I am important. But your attitude reminds me that my life is a life worthy of distinction. That I do make an impact on the world around me. That I'm not forgotten. And thanks also for showing me that I need to let go of that last little bit of you as well, because in still thinking about you, i give you importance. And I don't want to do that. So this is the last time. I said what I felt, and I'm ready to walk away.