Is there really no such thing....
...as friendship with the opposite sex?
A guy friend of mine just sent me an email telling me that he has feelings for me that he has to confess. He does this now after almost 2 years of friendship. Not just feelings but love, that he's in love with me.
He tells me he hopes this hasn't screwed everything up. And i feel so pressured. I don't return the feelings, i can't return the feelings. But i feel like a bastard now because of that. I feel like the bad guy because i don't return the sentiment. Its like a huge guilt trip laid on me.
I got his email, and it kind of pressured me to respond right away. But i did not know what to say. So I could not respond. It had barely been a day, and i received another email from him. He wanted to know what was taking me so long to respond, and pressuring me further into giving him an answer right away.
This made me so angry. I've had so much going on, with midterms and papers, and everything else. And to have him pressure me about something i never encouraged or wanted just pushed me to the edge. So I may have responded back a little more harshly than i intended. His response to that just made me feel justified for the anger.
From his words and tone, it's almost like he wants nothing now, not even friendship, (even though he says he does). Like if he can't have it the way he wants it, why bother? He says he'll always have feelings for me. It seems like he'd still only be my friend now in the hopes that eventually he can convince me to change my mind.
I can't trust him now. He gained my trust and friendship, but it feels like it was all just a ruse. That it was all just planned out in the hopes of getting more. Never friends for the sake of friendship. And how can I be friends with him now, knowing he was always hiding things from me?
(And on a tangent, I don't think he knows what the hell love means. It's something that's created in the existence of mutual affection and respect, and takes time and experience before it can be created. Obsessing and crushing on someone without ever telling them of those feelings is not love. It's crap, is what it is.)
Is this what friendship with men will always be? I've heard so many people say that it's inevitable. That one person always wants more than the other. I hate that. I don't want that to be true. It's already so hard to trust the men i date, can i now not trust the men i have as friends?
I don't know.... i'm just so frustrated.
A guy friend of mine just sent me an email telling me that he has feelings for me that he has to confess. He does this now after almost 2 years of friendship. Not just feelings but love, that he's in love with me.
He tells me he hopes this hasn't screwed everything up. And i feel so pressured. I don't return the feelings, i can't return the feelings. But i feel like a bastard now because of that. I feel like the bad guy because i don't return the sentiment. Its like a huge guilt trip laid on me.
I got his email, and it kind of pressured me to respond right away. But i did not know what to say. So I could not respond. It had barely been a day, and i received another email from him. He wanted to know what was taking me so long to respond, and pressuring me further into giving him an answer right away.
This made me so angry. I've had so much going on, with midterms and papers, and everything else. And to have him pressure me about something i never encouraged or wanted just pushed me to the edge. So I may have responded back a little more harshly than i intended. His response to that just made me feel justified for the anger.
From his words and tone, it's almost like he wants nothing now, not even friendship, (even though he says he does). Like if he can't have it the way he wants it, why bother? He says he'll always have feelings for me. It seems like he'd still only be my friend now in the hopes that eventually he can convince me to change my mind.
I can't trust him now. He gained my trust and friendship, but it feels like it was all just a ruse. That it was all just planned out in the hopes of getting more. Never friends for the sake of friendship. And how can I be friends with him now, knowing he was always hiding things from me?
(And on a tangent, I don't think he knows what the hell love means. It's something that's created in the existence of mutual affection and respect, and takes time and experience before it can be created. Obsessing and crushing on someone without ever telling them of those feelings is not love. It's crap, is what it is.)
Is this what friendship with men will always be? I've heard so many people say that it's inevitable. That one person always wants more than the other. I hate that. I don't want that to be true. It's already so hard to trust the men i date, can i now not trust the men i have as friends?
I don't know.... i'm just so frustrated.
posted by Marissa at 8:11 PM
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