Personal Kryptonite

Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.
Anton Chekhov

I perform so much better under pressure. When situations are hopeless, that is when I feel the most hope. I feel like a goddamn superhero sometimes. Considering the amount of pain and bullshit i've had handed down to me in my life, I should have given up a long time ago. But I pulled through it all stronger and wiser, with a big fat smile on my face.

So I don't get it. How come I can survive some of the most traumatic situations and handle it so well? But when it comes to the mundane typical trials and tribulations of life, I shut down? I don't know how to handle them.

It's like I need the fight. I need the enemy. I can't stand this passive struggle of surviving the ordinary. I need things to be more obvious and straightforward. Part of the beauty of life is the uncertainty and the grays, yet somehow my mind can only really deal with the black-and-white.

I guess I just need the adventure. I need the challenge. I want to don the cape and mask and kick ass. Somehow just getting through life is harder for me. The day-to-day living wears me down...makes me feel ordinary. Chekhov had it right. But ignorance is bliss...and in this case, I'm happier as an idiot.